Joe J Heck
Hi, my name is Joe J. Heck, also known as Jumius Schmaezer. I used to be Jumius, many centuries ago. You can tell because he was left-handed, and I am left-pawed. Jumius Schmaezer also used to be one of my favorite games to play with my Human Sister, Isobel. Isobel played Tom Sawyer. Bob played Huck Finn. Mom played the Prince, and Coz played the Pauper. Dad was Jack the Ripper. The Others all had parts, too, but there are too many of them to list. We used to play Jumius just after the humans got done playing Authors.
One important thing to know about me is that I am gay. I am very proud to be gay. I don't understand why anyone would think it was something I was supposed to hide. Don't ask, don't tell, my stinky butt!
I am madly in love with Rajon Rondo. And, of course, he is madly in love with me, too. Just look at how handsome he is!
How I Came to Live with My Humans
The Human Mom and Human Dad have always thought it was a crucial part of childhood to have a small furry creature to raise and love. So in the summer of 2002, when the Human Sister was almost eight, they decided to get a kitten. They appointed July 8th, the day after they got back from vacation, as Kitten Day. On Kitten Day, they all went to the animal shelter to look for a kitten. There was only one kitten there. He had been brought to the shelter the day before and was very frightened, crouching in the back of his cage, with a stuffed animal that was bigger than he was, when they went to see him. That kitten was me, Joe J! (Actually, they were calling me 'Perry' at the shelter. What a silly name for a cat!) The Human Sister loved me, so they got me, and took me home.
When they got me home, I was still very frightened, especially because Bob wanted to kill me. But I warmed up to my humans, and once he figured that I would play with him, Bob warmed up to me.
I was very tiny, and the humans were forever losing me. One time, when I was still living in Joeville
The humans seem to call Joeville 'the basement', the Human Sister came downstairs to play with me, but she couldn't find me anywhere. Neither could the Human Mom. The Human Dad eventually found me and took this silly picture of me sleeping in an old lampshade. Another time when they couldn't find me, I was sleeping behind the beach chairs in the mud room. Now, I'm a bigger cat, and I don't get lost so easily.
Now I am a very, very, very large cat. It is not so much that I am overweight (though perhaps I should cut down a bit on the cat treats), as it is that I am just a big cat. I am almost twice the size of my brother Snarfy, who is an average-sized cat. It is a good thing that I am so gentle.
Bugs
One day, I was out in the humans' poor excuse for an outsideThe humans say the poor excuse for an outside was their postage-stamp sized backyard, and the Human Dad found a most wonderful thing! He gave it to the Human Sister, and she showed it to me. Guess what I did! I sniffed it, and I sniffed it, and it sniffed good! So I ate it! It was crunchy, and tasty, and I'd have a lot more of thoseThe humans say the tasty thing was a beetle! I soon found that there are lots of good things to eat in the poor excuse for an outside. Crawly ones. Flying ones. Strange little inchy ones. They're good! And fun. I have no end of fun in the poor excuse for an outside.
One day I found the biggest bugThe humans say the giant bug was a toad in the world! I watched it for a while while it was sitting. Then, the Human Dad took it away from me, because he thought that I might hurt it by accident. After a little while, it came back, and it was right behind me, but I was trying to find it where it was before.
Fedder Ting
But my favorite prey is the fedder tingThe humans say the fedder ting is a couple feathers attached to a string on a stick. The fedder ting flies around when the Human Dad makes it go, and I leap up and down trying to get it. I also love to roll around on my back and attack it as it flies by. The humans seem to find it amusing.